Happy Anniversary Levoara's child.

I started blogging a year ago this month.
This blog is now where near the reasons I started it, but I did it - off and on - for 12 months.
For that, I want to celebrate.
So happy anniversary Levora's child.

When "We" means more than my son and me.

I will admit that I am having so much trouble with the idea of being in a relationship. I don't know how to do it. It's strange to me to think of myself as a couple. I freak out at the idea of being viewed as "a you two" or "a we."
When I became a mom I was so happy. I loved the idea of doing things with my son, showing him off to the world and saying things like, "excuse us" and we strolled through the grocery or big box stores. I had prayed and planned for that "we" for so long, that I was excited to let the world know about that.
To be honest, I have prayed about being in this part of a "we" too. But for some odd reason, I feel resentful along with being happy. I value my independence, yet, I find myself being resentful of little things.
A couple of weeks ago, I picked Dion up from the day care and then went to a friends house, who later suggested that we go out to dinner. We did and had a great time. Will has called me every night, so I knew he would call. I turned my cell phone off just in case, though, and I purposely chose not to call him.
There was a part of me that resented my feeling of wanting to call him to let him know where we were. "I'm a grown woman," I thought. "I can go and do what ever I want to do. I don't need to let him know where I am."
After dinner, I drove around Greensboro a little longer and did not get home until 11:30 p.m.
The next day, I made sure to eat out and then go to Bible Study before Dion and I headed home for the evening about 8:30 p.m. He had been going to Bible Study with me, but I left him on purpose.
Why am I doing this? Why was I avoiding him?
Sure enough, he said he had been trying to get in touch with me. I had expected a confrontation, but instead he wanted to know if everything was okay. He wanted to know if we needed to talk.
Let's be honest, I like him.
But do I like him enough to give up some of my independence? Is my life so great now that I am willing to mess things up to hold on to what I have?
No.
There are things that I would love to change about him, no doubt, but this guy loves, respects and honors the daylights out of me. He treats Dion well. He has shared how serious he is about me and that scares the daylights out of me.
I don't know if I want that and I don't know if I want that from him.
One of my girlfriends said I am scared and I'm trying to destroy stuff on purpose.
That's true.
I know how to exists as a single person and a single mother. I don't know how to do it as a couple, as a "We."

Any suggestions?