Am I enough for now?

Dion and I were at a little gathering on the Fourth of July that included children his age and their moms and dads.
There was a 2-year-old boy there who was just hanging on to his father. There was a 2 year-old little girl there who was also hanging on to her father. Dad even gathered her pink, little princess bag and took her to the bathroom so he could change her diaper.
The little girl hugged her daddy and gave him a kiss. The little boy and his father were kind of rough housing and tickling each other.
On the outside looking in, these men seemed to be involved in their children's lives.
I couldn't help but notice how Dion looked at this and in my mind, I think it was with longing.
Now, I know at the age of 2 he really doesn't get the concept of mommy and daddy. He does get the concept of people loving him and I know he knows that I love him.
But there are times - like Tuesday - that makes me wonder if I am enough for now?

A NEWLY RELEASED STUDY by a team of family scholars finds that marriage typically brings a host of important benefits to African American men, women, and children. On average, married African Americans are wealthier, happier, and choose healthier behaviors than their unmarried peers, and their children typically fare better in life --differences that seem to stem largely from marriage itself. At the same time, however, African American women tend to benefit from marriage less than Whites and men. These are among the key findings presented in The Consequences of Marriage for African Americans, a first-of-its-kind report based on reviews of 125 social science articles and a new statistical analysis of national survey data. The study was conducted by leading family scholars under the auspices of the Institute for American Values, a nonpartisan think-tank based in New York City.

Study after study have shown that children who are raised in a single, usually female-headed household, are more likely to end up in trouble with the law, drop out of high school, become parents too young, have lower economic clout, not go to college and so-on and so on.
Now, this does not mean that just because you come from a single parent home that this will happen. I know that environment is a factor, too. Often, young single mothers do not have the support of their families financially, which means they end up taking what ever kind of jobs they can find to support themselves and their children. Without that support, they can end up in low-paying jobs that doesn't have much chance for advancement or offer many benefits. That can begin a cycle of not seeing many people succeed and thus their not succeeding themselves and not knowing that they could.
I know the data.
And I also know that just having a dad in the home is not a guarantee that my son will fare better.
But I can't deny that there is a very strong bond between men and their sons. My brother, Renda, was shoveling snow in March so his wife could have a path to get our of my car and make it into the house without slipping. He then helped her into the house. When their son was shot and killed in November, I saw how my brother went to his wife's side anytime she cried and just tried to comfort her. He really is a good man and I told him in March how proud I was of the man he has become. I've told him this on occasions before. And my brother said, "If only daddy could see me now."
Men want their father's approval. They know they will have their mom's love, but they want their father's love, respect and approval.
I can't give Dion all of that. He needs a man in his life.
And it will be my job to find a good man, a good husband, a good father.
Even if their dads make mistakes when they are younger, men never stop wanting their fathers to do better and to be better. They somehow take some pride in it if they are the catalyst that creates a change in their fathers.
I know that right now I have made a choice to raise Dion by myself, but I pray that he does not reach adulthood without having someone to say "Daddy" to.
It is my job to make good choices in selecting a good man who will be a good husband for me and a great father for Dion.
I just pray that when that man finds me (as the Bible states) that I know how to relinquish some of the power of running of being the head of my household.