I would rather die than be fat.

Almost half of Americans would give up a year of their life to avoid being fat, according to a recent survey.
The online survey of 4,283 Americans ages 13 to 79 also found that between 15 and 30 percent would rather leave their marriage, give up the possibility of having children, be depressed, or become an alcoholic than be obese. Five percent said they would rather lose a limb and 4 percent said they would rather be blind.
The survey was conducted by Yale University for the purpose of gauging anti-fat bias.

What the?????

Am I so out of the loop that I didn't know that people would rather be dead than to be like me?

Do people really look at me and pity me?

I can't discount this and say that since it was at Yale, it was probably a bunch of teen-agers or college kids, but I do wonder. And why is there such a big difference between the percentage points, 15 to 30?

I would totally disregard with this all together if I didn't know someone who felt this way.

I once worked with a man who had weight loss surgery. There were some complications and in the end, he wound up confined to a wheelchair, barely able to speak, suffered memory loss, became 200-plus pounds lighter and was living in a nursing home. He was 32 years old at the time.
He said even if he knew the outcome would be the same, he would do it again.
A one point, he was losing 21 pounds a week. Those three or four months he had prior to being hospitalized were wonderful, he said.

I will admit that being fat limits me: table over a restaurant booth, chairs without arms, well made and often expensive, antique furnishing, fewer dates, fewer come-ons, fewer clothing options, and some airlines will try to make your purchase two tickets.

These are just a few aspect of my being fat... okay, obese.

But do I want to be dead?
Really, do I?
Do I hate myself and the way I look that much?
Do I want to disappear into the background and not be seen?
No, I don't. I've cried about a lot of things in my life.... being broke mostly....
but I don't remember the last time I cried about being fat. Yes, I have and yes I did when I was younger, but as I type this, I'm trying to remember the last time I cried because I was fat and blamed all of my failures on being fat?

I really don't remember. It had to have been in my high school days. I had a great time in college, so I don't remember feeling that way then. Plus, I lost a few pounds while in college because of all of the walking I was doing.

I really don't know when it was.

I know that being a fat, black woman is what the world sees as I stroll down the street, but there is more to me than that.
I know that because of the way I look, I am limited in who will flirt with me. I know that. But men do flirt with me.

I'm still single because I'm not going to settle for just any man who gives me the time of day.
I have value, fat and all.
Yes, my life would be so much easier and cheaper if I were smaller, but this is my life now.
Yes, I need to lose weight and I want to lose weight, but this is my life now.
Yes, I would probably have more men approaching me if I were smaller, but this is my life now.
I know I need to make better decisions about my life, the one thing that I will not waiver on is that I want to LIVE a long, happy and healthy life.
And yes, I would love to live that life as a smaller woman, but the most important word there is I want to live.
This is my life now - a fat, black woman with pride.