Sweetie, you don't have to share your toys with anyone

"Share."
"Play nice."
"Is it okay if she rides your toy for a while."
"You have to take turns."
Those are the things that a "good mother" who is trying to raise a "respectable, honest and nice son" would incorporate into her speech about sharing.
But as I looked over into my neighbor's back yard and saw it littered with broken toys, the only thing I wanted to say was ,"You had better not let that child get any where near your things!!!"
I have to admit that I am a selfish parent. I kind of knew I would be. I think to a certain degree all parents are. But I didn't expect to be a miser about it, too.
It would be one thing if I had to referee a fight over a toy between my children. There will be no clear winner there.
But there will ALWAYS be a clear winner if I have to referee a fight over a toy between my child and someone else's child. My child is going to win!!!! Especially if we are at home and it's his toys.
When we arrived home, two of my neighbor's daughters (one 2 and the other 5) came by for a visit.
I really didn't want them there, because I had things I had to do - prepare dinner, give Dion a bath, laundry, the dishes - but how can you be mean to kids?
Once inside our home, the two girls went straight for Dion's toys and started playing with them. Dion, on the other hand, wanted to go to the back yard and ride his hobby horse. So I let him.
I left the door open so I could monitor Dion as well as the girls.
About 10 minutes later, I decided it would be easier if they were all outside so I allowed them to grab a couple of Dion's toys and we all went out the back door.
The two-year-old was crying to ride the horse, so I asked Dion if she could ride and he got off.
I don't know if this is good or not, but had he not gotten off voluntarily, I would have taken him off in an attempt to teach him how to share.
The little girl rode hard and I could just see her breaking it. After a couple of minutes, I said, now it's your sister's turn. The 5-year-old rode even harder and I freaked out. She got the thing to leave the ground.
So I just said, "Sweetie you are riding him to hard. You have to get off of him now."
Her sister immediately ran over and got on.
I watched Dion, and he let her. At this point, he was more interested in the guy on the riding lawn mower.
Later on, the older child ran home and came back with ice cream cones, one for her and one for her sister.
I don't keep that stuff in my home, so Dion didn't have one, but man did he want one.
In my head, I thought, "Where was Dion's ice cream?"
I know it was wrong, but here these kids were in my back yard, sitting on my kid's toys and eating ice cream.
Something just seemed wrong with that picture.
Then when Dion wanted to get on his own hobby horse, the little one had the nerve to cry and push him.
How dare she!!!!!
I removed her (kicking and crying I might add) and placed my son there - as if to say, "Take that!!!! How's your ice cream now??? Huh??? Huh??!!?!
I know that they are kids and in all honesty, they were doing what kids do.
But how do I teach my son how to share when there are some times I don't want him to share? Am I a snob? Have I become a snob?
Sharing was a big problem with me as a pre-schooler.
My mom would fuss as me something awful if I allowed someone to play with my toys. She used to say that if that toy is going to break, (first I had better not break it, but if it were) I had better been the one who broke it.
"If they break it, do you think their parents are going to buy you another one???!!" she used to yell.
I so desperately wanted other childrens to play with me and my toys because I wanted them to like me and to be my little friends.
But my mom was adament about about the "no sharing" thing.
There were a select group of my cousins that she allowed to play with my toys. My cousin, Jell, was one of them. I played and played and played a lot with my toys and I had many of them into my adult life.
But now that I am a mother, I understand my mother's logic.
I do want Dion to have playmates and to share his toys, but the snob in my says he can only do that with a certain group of kids.
If I do that, will he have the same longing feelings that I used to?
Am I doing the right thing? How do I teach him to be a selective sharer or should I at all?